Okay, here is the thing I have no ideal what I am doing I have a great guy who really cares about me! But I cant get over the Ex who is an complete asshole what am I supposed to do I finally broke down and went to his Mom's house to let my children open their Christmas presents and what do you know we end up in the bathroom doing naughty stuff and I am trying to be a good person no intercourse until I get a ring on this finger I think I need to get a chastity belt and forget it! Here I have lost my mind or I am losing it I swear I can't handle this stuff anymore. My Mother is going to kill me! I know she hates my Ex with every being in her! Then what am I to do about this other guy I clearly do not want to hurt! What's worse is that I can't tell anyone because everyone is going to be furious with me. So exactly what am I going to do any one with any ideals on here. My Mother is on the phone as I am writing you now and she say that the ex is stringing me along. She says I need to say either you love me enough to come home or not come at all!
I don't know I know I have got to figure out what is going on with myself before I lose both of them but who and why is the serious questions I am asking myself. I don't understand why I am going through this stuff. I don't know like what am I going to do! I wonder if I am being a jackass right now! I can't go through this stuff anymore I am turning into a Crazy Person! I need to be admitted!!!!
I just don't know anymore! You know my Mother has said about the Ex getting his income taxes and that he hasn't done anything for our daughter! Which is true I swear he is like a fox a blue eyed devil with the horns. I don't know I just cant help feeling that I might just be making the biggest mistakes in my life. I think the only person who wants us back together is the Baptist Minster who had been counciling us so what am I to do at this point I would love just to hide from this world and all of its descistions. I need strength and a friend right now. The only person I could listen to was Tammy. I haven't been able to get ahold of her for days probably because she couldn't afford to pay her phone bill since her dum ass son stole money from her account to get high on some drugs. I feel sorry for her I don't know I feel sorry for myself. I just don't know what to do except write empty words on this computer and hope some one is listening or reading enough to care to say anything to me!
I feel in a time warp of not knowing what to do I think maybe I shouldn't go back to the Ex, but am considering this because of our daughter! What can I do I feel so alone and scared to death to make the wrong choice Oh God what if I am making the biggest mistake of my life I don't know! I guess only time will tell and I can't continue to be this way!What should I do? I wish I knew! Everyone else can see it why don't I! They say that love is blind maybe just plan stupid at this point! I can't wait forever until he grows up! Can I? I have no ideal what to do!
No comments:
Post a Comment