Never in my life have I ever thought yet once again I would be in this place again stuck between figuring out what to do and who to be with! Yes, in some way I am single but no I am not. I don't even know what I am at this point. All I know is the man I thought that I was in love with is not the best guy he has such issues that I can't deal with them anymore. Maybe I should just be alone for a while and see what it is I truly want! Here is a question can you be inlove with two people for two total different reasons. I think it may be true however I have never been so confused in my whole life! My what is ex-fiance and the ex that I always thought of and loved as a friend. So here I am I know whoever I chose will lead my life in complete different directions. I know that the one is a stand still situation that will never lead me anywhere.
The same old routine over and over with drama from the demons he can never seem to control and I haven't got the patience or the drive anymore to fight them he has to learn to fight them on his own. I have so much to give and change to do to strive for it feels good but sad at the same time to have him gone. As if a new chapter is beginning. Unfortunately, I have this guilt that I have given up on him. I tried so hard for so long, and his lying, gambling and dabbling with drugs on top of it. The thing is you wouldn't believe how common that is where I am from.
It has now become the norm of everyday life I just don't want it to be the norm. Then there is the other one he was from my past and he also had his own demons to face it seems as if he has got those under control for the most part. It's hard because he is bending over backwards for me and I am still thinking about a guy who has been nothing but a complete asshole to me. It has got to the point that I may talk to them both, but I have restored to hiding in my house and trying to stay away from the both of them. Having two men telling you that they love you and want to be with you is one of the most draining things I have ever done in my life.
Here is the problem I stay away from them and they come to me. I think I am going crazy! So what on this earth should I do? On top of all that stress both of my cars has something wrong with them I need to trade them in and get something new or one car that doesn't have problems. Today, one of my closest friends had to come over early and take my kids to school cause I guess my car has blowed up it turns on but sounds awful! Why? Oh, why can't I win the lottery it would be so nice to do that! Yeah, the world seems to be going crazy around me. Just last week my washer broke and had clothes piling up everywhere and had to go in debt to have clean clothes. The weather here has been also crazy like you don't want to go out side who thought of a cold thunder storm lighting and thunder at the beginning of Jan..
We'll until tomorrow just thought I would get this all out into the open At the moment I could be in a Danielle Steel love romance only I wish I knew the end of this story. I sure hope it has a happy ending!
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