what can I say Iam trying!

 Today has been hard and the last couple of months haven't been easy living with a lyer~I feel like sometimes I am losing myself its so hard tonight has been one of those and why do I stay I can't understand myself! I have been trying so hard and it seems it's not working. So what do I do now I know that its time to find myself again and not let these things get to me! I feel like there is no one in the world understands me, I know that though the sun will come out after the rain.
 How do you help people who doesn't want to be helped!

Why?

Why is it that people have to share their everyday life on facebook, sometimes I think its insane yes I am blogging about the most private things of my life! However, those people not all of them may truly even like you so yes I have learned after myspace not to post anything that makes you look like fool! People are cruel and deceiving to say the least! So I do what I hate sometimes living the cookie cutter life. Which is such a lie for the most part of it, I am not saying you can't be happy but we should all know appearance's are deceiving! We could not be human if we didn't have flail's we have tears, anger, and sometimes we just don't know what the hell we are doing! I love that about people! Some thing's according to the audience should be better off unsaid! Like yesterday a girl on my facebook said she was going to court for sending nude pictures to someone, better left unsaid. Really you want everyone you know to know that! She wasn't joking I can't believe a guy told on her!Lol! But that is something I wouldn't tell anyone I knew unless we were close friends. I wish I had more time to write but I have an 18 month old who doesn't let me do anything for very long.  I haven't got my moe joe back yet you spend so much time getting caught up in the things around us that we start to forget ourselves! We shouldn't forget who we are!  There is so much more to my life and who I am than what I do! We should all take time out for us, because we are the only one that can make us happy!

It is what it is!/ a few thing a girl could learn!

 O.k. I suck at getting on here and writing everyday! Good news no one ever listens or reads me that cares I think at this point. So anyways back to my fiance if you can call him that maybe I am just over thinking things. However, he acts very in my friends words "shady"! So about two months ago I found this lovely thing you call familymap and since I am the account holder I put it on his phone some days it may be a little off! But not always anyway this fool tells me that at&t doesn't work right. O.k the big satilite in the sky they paid millions of dollars from lies! Really! Anyways I love tech. stuff so girls if you are the account owner its 9.99 a month sure its to take care of your kids in case their lost. We'll sorry guys but some of you give the rest of you a bad name! You could imagine his surprise before he knew it was activate on his phone and I pulled up out of no where! Tonight, I think hes trying to come up for reasons to stay alnight with his Mother! What is the deal with that?
   Not to mention yes I got ask out twice through facebook from my ex's! Which reminds me of why that they are my ex's they both have girlfriends. I am sick on top of it from this weather, rain, cold rain, and rain! How depressing!  We'll I am so tired and tired of thinking about all of this crazyness that is life. I just need a change in my life and need to figure out what that is! Not to mention no one not even my family has any ideal that I am writing a blog. I think it would be best this way! Also, I have kids sometimes that are completly out of control at times I'd like to hide. I so am ready for bed!

Glitter in the Air!

 I am not a great blogger for sure cause I have commitment issues! Lol! I need to say this if your struggling with something that you just don't think you can't handle. We'll let me tell you this your not alone everyday we have battles! It really doesn't matter if your rich, or poor or what your beliefs are or even what your skin color is, it boils down to how we react to the things that happen! We must not for get ourselves no matter what kind of situation that we find ourselves in. If your a poet write, if your an artist DRAWL, if your a singer Sing. an athlete Play! This is who you are never let the fear of what someone thinks bother you. Who cares if its not great to them in the end you are happy! Life is too short to give a damn what people thinks!
  You are beautiful because your different! The End! No, one can make you happy but yourself and when you do this all of the pieces of puzzle starts falling into place. The people around start to disappear and you have only you to answer to. Wow, I did spell check guess what was wrong and lit up, Lol! I today start living for me! Believe me sometimes it's not the easiest thing to do. I have crawled my way out of so many holes that at first its so hard than you it starts getting easier and easier! Good night all of my non listeners! You never know what I'll say next! I just hope that some day something out of this blog helps someone makes you smile, laugh, cry or yes you can even get mad!

What a freaking life!

Well first of all just let me say I haven't been on here in forever! Why? We'll because my lab top got stolen out of my house and for the most part of this writing experience I have been reserved and haven't just said everything I have wanted to. Here is the thing this could get raw so if you can't handle it don't read it! This is your R rating cause I just might cuss! In case you want to report me! I have had one of the worst 2  months of my younger life! I have been in court because of this stupid man I have and yet I wouldn't even call a man at this point! Why do women put up with so much stupidly? I need to know what makes us think that we will ever change someone or something that want be changed!
  Seriously, at one point in my life I could have my own reality t.v. show from the this crap! Also by the way the government needs to get control over all these people and their drug habits. You can't leave toilet paper in your bathroom without people wanting to sale it! If you have a problem with that statement you can kiss my ass cause I've had it with these thief's who things they are untitled to something that is not theirs! No, I'm no rocket scientist but I know about life and right from wrong. This morning I went on facebook to find a guy from my past I should have never let go if I had to of chained myself to his leg! So my question is why does it take us years of our life's to figure this stuff out. Wouldn't you know hes got like five kids not all his some here and there but still seemed to be the same guy! It kinda makes me hope he was never happy after me! I used to sit and wonder what if and now there will never be a what if! Who would I be to walk through a door after 10 years. I should had figured it out years before! So the other dummie is in my bed and hasn't went to work in to days! What a day!

Oh, Valentine's Day!

 We'll let me tell you how that went it was good, bad, and then good again. My friend came over with her granddaughter and babysat my kids.Which was really sweet of her considering she got remarried yesterday. We'll they'd been married years before divorced, got back together, and now remarried again. She been going through somethings also with their daughter I really feel sorry for her. My friend is my Mothers' age, but we get along. Today shes getting temp. custody of her daughters' kids. They through the book at her and put her in jail shes got serious charges coming at her. If she lucky she'll get probation! However, shes going to get jail time either way you look at it. Always how freaking dumb is it to protect a piece of shit man over protecting herself and her kids. Iam not saying shes not also at fault but come on...... at what point don't they understand what they do not only effects them it's like a chain reaction, now kids are without a Mother and The Grandmothers' watching the kids. It's just one big ugly mess, which I told my friend I would do what ever I could do to help her with watching the children. On top of that this guy she's so head over heels with let her ass and the other two people and ran. I hope they find his sorry ass really I do!
 He better hope I don't see him out I'll call in on him maybe even follow him so the cops can get him. I think at this point I have a special hate for guys like that "USERS IN AWAY"!  But the last thing I'll say about this is that some people have no business with kids if you can't take care of them. Give them to someone who will and love them!
Now I kinda got off the subject anyways I went out to dinner last night me and my better half. We went to a pretty nice place. I started to feel like I was on that show "Boiling Point" it was like where are the camera, or now where is Ashton, am I being punk'd no I am not famous,lol! We have patience really it took 2hours and a half to get our food I am not kidding. Come on it doesn't take a hour to get a salad, right! We'll I am not the person to complain about things and if I do you seriously suck at what your doing.Like if you ask for no pickles, they put pickles on your sandwich anyways, I'll just take them off and put them to the side. We sat patiently while the couple next to use went through a four course dinner. I am not a bitchy person but it was Valentine's Day! So I ask for a manager cause we couldn't even get the waiter over to the table long enough to get a check for our drinks. Really my better half wanted to walk out and not even pay, I'll say pretty mad.
So anyways the manager said your food is coming out right now. Just have it on me! I can't complain about a free meal, and who knows how long it would have took to get into somewhere else with a reservation.
   So we stayed ate some of it, I have to say my Lobster was really good but we where so full from drinking sweet tea, and wine. That we took most of it home with us. I guess that Patience is a virtue is true! Our tab was $65.00 and we got it completely free. Would I go back sure the food was good, but I am not going to want that waiter. I actually kind of felt sorry for the little guy he forgot our food and then another couple up from us he got their order wrong so the manager had to come out again. I hope he didn't get fired, I just think maybe they should put him on dished or something. Who knows maybe he was new, but two hours late on food not cool for me! We'll got some major work to be done! Until, next time!

chaos

So anyways bought a house and haven't had time to write or breathe for that matter! It's a fixeruper I just didn't know how much fixing I would have to do. Here I have a house with a house payment and can't move in. I seriously hope that I can get everything done before I have to pay another month of rent in this house. Man this is a crazy thing you know I wanted a house so badly and it's not that I'am ungreatful to have it, but this is alot of work!!!! Um, so many run on sentences Oh Well it's not like Iam writing for a English Lit. paper or I would so fell... Anyways myself and my worser half at the moment have almost killed each other the last couple of weeks. All this stress is getting to me work, work, and work after work. My better half really is working 10 hour days and coming home working on the other house "the one we bought" and we still haven't got everything packed Iam caving in like a nut! At this point I need a shrink!!!!
 I really wouldn't like to see Lowes or a hardware store again until I build my Pergola getting to much time from me. I love designing and decorating don't get me wrong but whoa! So I was talking to the guy mixing my paint and was trying to explain exactly what I was doing to my cabinet's he so didn't get! You know when you can't replace "Paint"! Either way I hope it comes out good cause I have to live with it until next year. I bought my youngest daughter today a really cute vintage rocking chair, it's never been touched no paint at all, guess what Iam painting it. Sure, its got the original little puppy dog on the back but the wood is fading! When I told the woman I planned on painting it I think she almost had a heart attack! So I found this really pretty green paint and I'am so painting it and painting her name on it to! But the good news is I only paid $20.00 a good buy I think!
Maybe I'll get to write some more this week if I'am not killed!